Moist

He gazed at his face -now as a complete stranger.He questioned who he was in complete silence now craving a sense of belonging,beneath his make up.He was displeased with his looks and decided to willingly wipe of the layers of his make-up to reveal himself.The first layer was an ode to resentment,The second layer was a tribute to failed achievements and romances.He gently wiped the last and third layer and he was suddenly struck by the color of his skin,underneath his skin.He wished that looking at his face...there would be a person staring back at him that will acknowledge his duality,confusion and the little sadistic pleasures he once felt.He cried,He looked at himself crying with satisfaction.There was a envious voice that said to him..."You are here ,today to live,you are here today to feel,you are here to cry, and all of the worlds eyes can watch you-" He wanted that face in the mirror to welcome anger,oppression,and a strong believe in his inner spiritual being?He was wishing for a change,that didn't linger in woman's clothing,not in the random sexual acts with men who wanted him.He wanted to divorce that lifestyle.He of course wanted a true love,but they are hard to acquire and even harder to keep?His face was swollen up he had for a minute forgot about the incident he had just suffered.What the hearts of men do to chase away evil.Prejudice are unknown evils to minorities he thought.He splashed cold water to calm his face and came to the realization that he was not in a place he knew.This was not his bathroom.These clothes he was wearing was not his...He took a slight step to sooth his curious mind and it dawned on him.His rape? although not physical he assured himself- but now he was not sure? His feminine body felt a discomfort?that he never before recognized .He remembered that he suffered an impact to his head,and a fist in his face.He saw the curve of a man,a complete stranger still cradled warmed in his bed.His abuser?His rapist?His lover?He with the instinct that he knew would keep him safe...covered his mouth not to make his reactions known.He was now in a strangers bathroom crying at an awaking moment of stupidity- Even crying before his own death.He had a glimpse that filled his mind of a crippling fear.He was now afraid,Suffocating with no escape.Bare-feet,messed up black make-up, swollen face.Something surged up in himself -Fear with a desperation to survive...He emerged from the bathroom wanting to take control of his life and " this" moment.No more fear--he said quietly.No fearing stupid moments of danger.He will leave as a quiet victim...his bare feet made signal for the door.Every step made a sound louder that his own breath.He was trying to not wake the man,the stranger but his eyes shot at strangers pants,rolled up on the bedrooms floor.He said no to his curiosity but his body reacted differently.He wanted to have a name,possible address,age -He wanted to identify him.He wanted to know- leave knowing!!!!

But his captor was not asleep - the sound of the door locked closed.Like an alarm.Like the bell before Sunday church.Like the drop of a stone down a well and waiting to hear its deafening sound.His life drawn a close.The strangers enraged grasp caught him. The strangers hands and fists rained on his frailty.His screams did not awake any sensitivity in his captor.His ability to love did not awake any sensitivity in his captor.His intelligence,His religious convictions,His mothers face.He felt something leave -so silently from him.......and as his raped ensued again.


He felt nothing.


Copyright © 2011 Riaan Raymond

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