Mental before the Breakdown

What a nice title i thought? To myself.i am now aware that i am genius,but when you first met me,you thought that, in an instant i digged deep,with my hands into complete emotion.Alas,i have felt everything, admiration,glory,death,loneliness. All at once. I cn recapture it,i can recall a time that i was lost,isolated,when i was afraid,and teary eyed. Just a thing searching for silence in my unrest. Pleasing voices,comforted by my own actions,and having strange satifisfactions of being different. But now the difference.i can tell them apart.tell them apart from me,although we are the same,share the same face and fate.I can sense a change,a mood,and urge,a beauty thats twisting with my own uglyness and doubt.a sudden race,a sudden low,a sudden high,a drink,a blow,my fingers poking into what remains of my canvas,hallow,vindictave,safe,diverse and dying. I am at a mental point,nothing is more weirder,than having repetitive speech,as thoughts and ideas pace,hurt and everything in life suffocates.i could avoid death,i could not avoid the living...and still it comes..and it asks me..why are you still here,let me take you...closer to darkness?